


connections

by orphan_account



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe- Modern Setting - Freeform, Bottom!Richie, Estranged Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Flirty Eddie, Hotel Sex, M/M, Mentions of past drug abuse, Prompt Fill, Richie Tozier is a Mess, Rimming, Smut, Top!Eddie, Yeah.gif, mentions of alcholism, mentions of past cheating, wedding fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-10-26 13:39:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17746892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Eddie looked at Richie for a long time, taking another sip of his wine as he mulled over his thoughts. “Well, probably because everybody was… I knew the more they tried to force you to come back, the further you were going to run. I was just giving you the time to come back on your own.”Richie and Eddie held eye contact for a long moment before Richie cleared his throat. “And here I am.”[or: I wondered just how much Richie can break until he shatters. This is my journey to find out. Originally inspired by the anon request of “two miserable people at a wedding” on my Tumblr.]





	1. does it almost feel like (you’ve been here before?)

Richie had no goddamn idea what he was doing here. After the Incident five years ago, Richie had cut himself off from all the other Losers, excluding Stan- who simply had not allowed it. He could not think of any reasonable explanation to why he was currently standing in a huge reception hall, after having watched his ex-best friend marry the woman he’d started sleeping with while Richie had still been dating her. 

Richie had been sure when he’d gotten the invitation that it had been mis-addressed. So sure, in fact, that he’d called Stan to laugh about it. That hadn’t exactly been a pleasant phone call. “He’s extending an olive branch,” Stan had said patiently. “We miss you, and we’re tired of you shutting us all out. You didn’t even come to Beverly’s promotion party last month. She  _cried,_ Richie.”

“Well, it’s her party. She can cry if she wants to,” Richie tried to joke but it had fallen flat. He ran his fingers through his hair, and sighed into the landline. “Look, dude, it’s been five years, you know? This is just the way things are now. Why can’t they accept that?”

“Because it doesn’t  _have_ to be this way,” Stan had said. “At least think about coming.” 

So here Richie was, and he was just as miserable as he’d expected to be. Stan and Mike had greeted him more than enthusiastically, but Bev and Ben had both openly shunned him despite Stan’s claims that they’d missed him so dearly. Richie hadn’t even seen Bill yet, and he was deeply considering just leaving before that had a chance to happen. 

A low whistle from behind him made Richie’s heart jump as he turned around. Eddie Kaspbrak was walking towards him, hands tucked into the pockets of his suit, and maybe he was the most beautiful Richie had ever seen. He’d always had a soft spot for Eddie Kaspbrak, he could admit that much as much as he’d once pretended not to. It had never seemed all that mutual, of course, with Eddie always brushing off Richie’s attempts at flirting. He’d also been the first person to stop trying to include Richie in plans after his following out with Bill- as in, he’d never tried at all. Richie was never sure whether to resent it or be thankful for it. 

None of it mattered now, with the way Kaspbrak was looking him up and down. Eddie finally looked to Richie’s face and raised his wine glass up to his lips, sipping slowly. Richie swallowed roughly, not sure what the fuck was happening. 

“Looking good, Tozier.” Kaspbrak finally said, grinning. “Been awhile.”

“Likewise,” Richie said with a flick of the tongue against his bottom lip. Richie may be feeling seven levels of out of place right now, and more than a little bit confused, but if there was one thing Richie Tozier knew how to do: it was put on a show. He moved to lean against the world, and he didn’t imagine the way Kaspbrak leaned closer to him. “The last five years have been good to you, Kaspbrak.”

Eddie hummed, sipping his drunk again, and reaching out to squeeze at Richie’s bicep through his suit jacket. “Better to you, I see. How have you been?”

Richie rolled his eyes, suddenly so- _not_ surprised that this was where this conversation was going. It was  _just like_ the Losers to send Eddie to ease (i.e  _trick)_ Richie into talking about something he didn’t want to- it was been a very regular tactic within their group growing up- but Eddie’s throwing in the flirting had been just different enough to toss Richie off the scent. It was a low blow, though maybe Eddie didn’t know that. 

“Oh fucking fantastic, you know,” Richie took a step away from Eddie and shaking his head. “I love having my best friend fuck my girlfriend and then loosing all the people I called friends in one swoop. It really gets me going.”

Eddie’s eyes blew wide open, then hardened. “You’re the one who you packed up your shit in the middle of that night, moved out to California and never talked to anybody except Stan again. You cut everybody out, not the other way around!”

“Well, I’m sorry I didn’t want to stay around and have to pretend that I was okay with what Bill did just because he’s  _Bill.”_ Richie said, wishing that he had a drink. Wishing for the first time in  _years_ that he had a drink. He knew his wants must have been obvious on his face, or maybe he’d just looked at the drink table a little too long, because all of the anger from Eddie’s face was suddenly gone and his hand was back on Richie’s arm.

“Come on, Rich, let’s get out of here.” Eddie said, voice casual but there was little hint of desperation on his face that Richie could only see from knowing him from childhood. Eddie had grown up and gotten good at hiding back his feelings, but nobody could hide everything. 

“You don’t need to do this, Eds.” Richie said,  _knowing_ how pathetic he sounded but being unable to help himself. “Tell whoever put you up to this that you tried and I wouldn’t bite. Go enjoy the party.”

“You think somebody is  _making me_ talk to you?” Eddie asked him, voice lowering as hurt spread across his face. “Richie, did it ever occur to you that I maybe just hadn’t seen my friend in years, and wanted to know how he was doing?”

Richie raised his brow and Eddie sighed. “Okay, fine. I saw you standing across the room and thought you looked hot as shit. I was half way over to you when I realized it  _was_ you. But I could’ve turned around and didn’t- mind you. It actually kind of made me want to talk to you more.” 

Richie pressed his hand to his chest and through on some theatrics. “My dear lord, my Eddie Spaghetti thinks I am  _hot?_ Hold the presses, this is breaking news-”

“Shut  _up,_ Trashmouth!” Eddie said, cheeks blushing as he whacked at Richie’s chest. “I always thought you were hot- even when you had braces and those ugly fucking glasses.”

“I…” Richie blinked, feeling his own cheeks begin to flush. “Well, there’s no accounting for taste, Eds.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes, but he also kind of nodded, too. A burning curiosity suddenly settled in Richie’s gut.

“Hey, Eds…” He said slowly. “How come you never tried to get to me to come back? Everybody else did.”

Eddie looked at Richie for a long time, taking another sip of his wine as he mulled over his thoughts. “Well, probably because everybody was… I knew the more they tried to force you to come back, the further you were going to run. I was just giving you the time to come back on your own.”

Richie and Eddie held eye contact for a long moment before Richie cleared his throat. “And here I am.” 

Eddie smiled. “Here you are.”

Richie couldn’t help but chuckle slightly, ducking his head into Eddie’s space. He hadn’t been _this_ close to Eddie Kaspbrak in much longer than five years. It may actually be nearing on ten years since Richie and Eddie stood close enough to one another that their faces were at a risk of touching. A certain party in high school… a certain closet… and one person believing that feelings flowed both ways had put a wrench in between Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier that Richie hadn’t thought would ever have been able to be fixed.

The way Eddie was looking at him now, though, it was sort of like none of that mattered anymore. And it did, the rejection in high school mattered. It had been the first step in many that had lead Richie down the road he was on now, the isolation he’d chosen for himself. Richie has always been a social person, until he realized that there wasn’t an point in constantly being surrounded by people when he still felt alone the whole time.

The way Eddie was looking at him now, though, Richie was willing to forget it for now. The look in Eddie’s eyes, the small smile on his face, Richie was ready to toss away everything he’d ever known and be as stupid as seventeen year old with high hopes again. Richie took another step closer towards Eddie, testing the waters. That had been his utter downfall last time, jumping right into the deep end and assuming Eddie would swim, too.

But Eddie tilted his head up towards him, eyes fluttering shut for a moment, while he smiled softly. “Richie…” Eddie breathed out softly, his words dancing over Richie’s face. “Are you _sure_ you don’t wanna get outta here? Because I’m supposed to be stay at Bill’s tonight….” Eddie looped his fingers into Richie’s belt loops and tugging him against his body. “But aren’t you staying in the hotel upstairs? I hear it’s nice. Can you show me?”

Richie blinked once, twice, then broke into a large smirk. Admittedly, it had been awhile since Richie had hooked up with somebody. Right after he and his girlfriend- _Bill’s wife-_ had broken up, he’d whored himself out more than he probably should have. He wouldn’t hold it against himself, he’d started dating his first year of college- fresh off an Eddie Kaspbrak heart break- and had been with her exclusively since. It was the fooling around that he’d never had in college, he told himself whenever it happened. The affect had worn off since then, and it might have been upwards of years since Richie had gotten fucked. And here was Eddie- the boy who had once been his biggest wet dream- offered it up.

Maybe they’d wake up in the morning, and Richie would go back to Cali with nothing but a linger of Eddie on his lips. And he could tell himself that that was okay. Because at least he could finally feel as though all this bullshit wasn’t absolutely for nothing. He’d get a little something out of it.

“Darling,” Richie hummed, letting his face press against his Eddie’s cheek. He nudged his ear with his nose, then tugged on it with his teeth. He grinned as he felt Eddie shiver against him. “I can show you so much more than just my room. There’s a balcony. Got a _great view.”_

_  
_

_“_ Richie…” Eddie said, his voice almost a whine, his hands squeezing at Richie’s hips. Richie chuckled, letting their hips and chest press together. He nuzzled against Eddie’s neck, and with a rush of adrenaline, he nipped at his skin. Eddie bucked against Richie, and rocked his hips once more against him. “Richard. Get me _out_ of here.”

“Gladly, babe.” Richie let Eddie turn around, hands still resting on his hips, as he guided them towards the exit. He glanced over his shoulder, catching Stanley’s eye. Stan nodded once, pressed a finger to his nose then pointed to a finger gun to Richie. Richie return the gesture then turned the corner out of the grand room.

He and Eddie walked side by side in silence all the way until the elevator until from the hotel’s ballroom where the reception was being held to the rooms on the upper floors. The second the elevator doors had closed and Richie had punched in his floor number, Eddie was pushing on Richie’s chest and pushing him up against the back wall. Richie tilted his head down and waggled his brows.

“Really desperate for it, Eds?” Richie teased, pressing his teeth slightly into his bottom lip just for the reaction of Eddie’s pupils dilating and him struggling to meet Richie’s gaze.

“Shut up,” Eddie said, shoving Richie’s suit jacket open and fisting at his dress shirt. He let out a slow breath. “I’ve been wanting this since high school. I think I’ve earned a little desperation.”

Richie frowned, he couldn’t help it because… “You _could_ have had it in high school. I feel like I made that more than clear, Eds.”

An odd look crossed Eddie’s face- some sort of mixture of sadness and remorse- and he finally let his eyes catch Richie’s. “I know. I’m sorry, Rich. I was just a little asshole.”

“You were always a little asshole,” Richie shrugged, smiling down at Eddie. “I like you anyway.”

Eddie’s eyes go wide, and Richie’s quickly follow. _Like_ you, not liked you. A very simple slip of the tongue, but it gave the whole conversation and everything that might happen after this a rather different meaning. Richie raked his brain, trying to think of some sort of joke or anything to play off the tension, but Eddie was grabbing hold of Eddie’s face and pulling him down to press their lips together.

Richie let out a soft laugh as Eddie’s lips moved against his, arms coming up to rest on Eddie’s waist and pull him in. Eddie laughed right back against him, rocking his hips forward into Richie and Richie knew that he was in for a long night. As the elevator dinged, Eddie pulled back and pulled Richie out by taking hold of his belt and tugging.

They stumbled quickly down the hall, Richie guiding them to his room. Richie had Eddie pressed against the door as he unlocked it, while Eddie pressed long open-mouthed kisses to his neck. He hissed and nearly dropped the key card when Eddie bit down and sucked harshly on the skin. “Jesus, Eds..” Richie groaned as he finally got the door open, quickly gripping Eddie’s hips so he didn’t tumble backwards into the room. “You’re going to kill me.”

“No.” Eddie pulled Richie closer to him, and smiled at him from under his lashes. “I’m going to take care of you.”

Richie closed his eyes for a moment, swallowing slightly. He felt himself stumble, as Eddie lead them through the room. He turned Richie around and pushed him down on the bed. Climbing up, Eddie pressed his legs on either side of Richie’s hips and grinned down at him. Richie felt his cock twitching and was almost embarrassed. Nothing had even happened.

“Do you have stuff?” Eddie asked, running his hands up Richie’s chest and pealing his suit jacket off him completely. “Lube? Condoms?”

Richie nodded, tossing his head back against the pillows as Eddie began to slowly unbutton his dress shirt. “In my suitcase.”

Normally, the answer would have been no. Richie had long since stopped carrying those things around, but he’d told himself that if he was going to go his ex-girlfriend’s wedding to the man who cheated he cheated on him with, then he sure as hell was going to get laid by somebody.

This was a little bit more than he’d anticipated, but he sure as hell wasn’t complaining.  

Eddie smiled softly, this face letting through the same innocence that he’d once held growing up and Richie wanted to rip that innocence way. Before he got the chance, Eddie was finally opening his shirt and sliding it off him. Eddie leaned down, pressing one kiss to Richie’s neck, before taking Richie’s nipple between his teeth and tugging on it slightly.

Richie let out a loud- _loud-_ embarrassing noise, and clapped a hand over his mouth in horror. Eddie looked up at him through his lashes, Richie being able to feel him smirking against his skin. “Suh-sorry…” Richie breathed out, tossing his head back and closing his eyes. “It’s been a long time.”

“How…” Eddie pulled back, resting above Richie on his elbows. He took Richie’s chin in his hands and pulled his face back to look at him. “How long has it been, Richie? Last I heard you were whoring yourself out to half the population of California?”

There wasn’t any judgment in Eddie’s voice, it was a genuine question. Richie laughed, and slid his fingers through Eddie’s hair. Eddie’s eyes fluttered closed and Richie could almost imagine him purring. “Yeah? And the last you heard I was probably also drinking myself to an early grave and dappling in cocaine.”

Eddie looked at Richie, giving a small bashful smile. He stroked his thumb against Richie’s cheek, and nodded. “Well…” Richie continued. “I haven’t done those things in years”

“Years?” Eddie asked, eyes going wide. He breathed out slightly, and for a terrifying moment, Richie thought he might leave. He was seconds away from grabbing at Eddie’s waist, when Eddie leaned forward and kissed him. Richie brought his arms up around Eddie’s middle and dug his nails in.

Panting, Richie started tugging and pulling on Eddie’s tuxedo jacket and tried to ignore the only hours ago Eddie had been the best man in a wedding that made Richie’s skin crawl. All the more reason to get it off him.

Eddie detached their lips, shucking the jacket off and tossing it somewhere onto the floor. Running his fingers through his own fringe, Richie licked his lips as Eddie quickly unbuttoned his dress shirt and dropped it from his body. Richie reached his suddenly trembling hands up and ran them up Eddie’s heated torso. Eddie looked down at him with twice as heated eyes, before leaning over the side of the bed and pulling the lube and condoms from Richie’s suitcase. He tossed them onto the blankets a promptly forgot about them.

Richie hadn’t even realized he was already hard until Eddie licked a strip up his happy trail and he felt his cock convulse in his now much too tight suit pants. “Fuck, Richie…” Eddie sighed, running his fingers through the hairs there, but thankfully not pulling on them. “You’re telling me you haven’t had sex in _years?_ That’s…. cruel.”

Richie chucked, running a hand over his face. “When I got out of rehab and started my counselling, one of my challenges was to be completely celibate for six months because I was using sex as a vice as much the drugs and alcohol. After the six months were up, I wasn’t involve din the club or bar scene anymore so the opportunities just didn’t come my way anymore.”

Too much, too much, too much. Richie knew it the second the words left his mouth. _Curse_ Eddie Kaspbrak and his secret talent of getting Richie to spill his guts. Even Stan didn’t know that Richie had checked himself into rehab all those years ago, just that he’d decided to clean his act up. This sort of admission could very well knock the entire night off course, and Richie would have nobody to blame but himself.

But Eddie just pressed a soft kiss to Richie’s navel and started undoing his belt. Whether Eddie was really good a friend, or if he was just _that_ desperate to get laid, Richie wasn’t sure but he was going to roll with it.

Eddie pulled the belt free and made quick work of the buttons on Richie’s suit pants, yanking them down and off in one quick swoop. Eddie- honest to God- licked his lips as Richie’s cock sprung up against his stomach and Richie figured then that he must have died and this was his heaven.

Eddie danced his finger tip against the head of Richie’s cock, just the barest of touches, teasing and no satisfaction. Richie whined and bared his hips upwards. “Eddie… Eds… please touch me. Fuck.”

“Don’t worry,” Eddie said and his voice was low, so fucking low that if Richie hadn’t already been painfully hard already that would’ve done it for him. “I’m gonna take care of you, Rich. I told you. Just relax.”

Richie tried to force himself to relax, chest still heaving and cock still aching. Eddie pressed soft kisses down his length as he wiggled down the bed, spreading his legs apart and settling between them. Richie’s breath hitched and goddamn, he was positive now that Eddie’s plan for the night was to kill him.

Eddie wrapped a hand around Richie’s thigh and heaved it up to rest over his shoulder. He pressed both hands to Richie’s ass and squeezed lightly. Richie moaned, more of a whimper but he wanted to give himself the dignity to say it was a moan, and rocked down closer to Eddie’s hands. “Come on… please…”

“It’s okay,” Eddie whispered, pressing a kiss to Richie’s ass cheek. Then another. Then another. And then..

“FUCK!” Richie cried as Eddie’s lapped over his hole. He let out a pitiful cry as Eddie moved his face away, latching his legs tighter around Eddie’s shoulders and gripping his hair in his fists. Eddie let out a breathless laugh, and pressed a single kiss to his rim. He moaned as Eddie began to flick his tongue against his entrance.

Richie rocked back against Eddie, essentially riding his tongue, and his fingers twitched. He hadn’t even untangled them from Eddie’s hair to reach up and touch himself yet, when Eddie was pulling away and pushing Richie’s arms against the mattress on either side of his hips.

Eddie’s wiped his mouth with the back of his arm and Richie moaned once more. This was so far from the little germaphobe that Richie had run around with growing up, and it filled Richie with too much fondness for the circumstances.

Eddie slid his hands up and down Richie’s thighs. “Thought I said I was going to take care of you, Richie… Would you rather do it yourself? Should I leave?”

“No!” Richie cried, and he sounded panicked. He could hear it in his voice, and he could see it in the way Eddie raised his eyebrows. Could feel it in the way Eddie squeezed his thighs. “Please, please don’t go. I… stay, Eds. Please?”

“Yeah…” Eddie’s voice broke a little bit. “Yeah, Rich. I will. I’m not going anywhere.”

Richie breathed out and lifted his hands up. He pressed one on either side of Eddie’s face, and pushed them together until Eddie’s face squished up. Eddie swatted Richie away, giggling, and then quickly climbed back up his body.

Eddie knocked their noses together, the two of them sharing air. Prolonged eye contact usually made Richie’s skin crawl, but he found right now that he couldn’t look away. Their foreheads rested together, and Eddie thumb was pressing light circles against Richie’s cheek. Richie was aware of Eddie’s free hand moving through the blankets and Richie’s heart lurched.

“Eds…” Richie sighed out. “I… I wanna see you.”

Eddie blinked, then grinned. The lube was forgotten once again as Eddie took hold of Richie’s hands and moved them to the buckle of his belt. Richie frantically moved to pull the belt from the loops and toss it away. Yanking Eddie’s pants open and off, Richie shoved at Eddie’s stomach until he fully hovered above Richie on his knees. Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie’s thighs, and started mouthing at the hard outline of Eddie’s cock through his briefs.

Eddie tossed his head back and moaned, pushing his fingers through Richie’s mop of curls, and letting himself get lost in the teasing. Richie ran his hands up and behind Eddie’s thighs, leaving open mouthed kisses until Eddie’s underwear was soaked with a mix of saliva and pre-cum. “Eds…” Richie moaned out, nuzzling against Eddie’s bulge and kissing at it softly. “Can I suck you off?”

Eddie moaned as Richie snapped the band of his briefs against Eddie’s waist. He cupped Richie’s chin and nudged it to look up at him. Richie’s eyes were black with arousal and Eddie let out a groan that was almost a growl at the sight. “Richie… normally there is no way in hell I’d refused that but…” Eddie cleared his throat roughly. His thighs were starting to shake. “But I think I’m quite literally dying to fuck you right now so if we could just… Can we just…?”

Richie nodded quickly, tossing himself back against the pillows so that his curls spread out across the pillows. Eddie held both his hands against Richie’s stomach and took a long, deep breath. After his moment, Eddie pulled his wet briefs off and sent them joining the pile of clothing on the floor.

Eddie grabbed the bottle of lube and squinted it onto his fingers, spreading it for warmth. Richie let out a small squeak from the back of his throat, arm coming out to dig his nails into Eddie’s thigh. Eddie quickly learned down, careful not to let his sticky fingers touch the blankets, and ran his tongue along Richie’s bottom lip. Richie whined as he felt Eddie’s finger press against his rim.

The preparation process maybe moved a little bit faster than Eddie would have liked, but at this point it wasn’t just something that had been drawn out for hours… it was something that been drawn out for years. Maybe that was his fault (no, it was. It was without a doubt, his fault.) but he would truthfully expire on this hotel mattress if it didn’t happen soon.

He stretching three fingers inside Richie, who had a death grip on his biceps and tears in his eyes. “Eddie… _Eddie, fuck…_ Fuck me please. Please, please. I’m ready, fuck me, fucking fuck…”

“Okay, okay, Rich. I got you,” Eddie breathed out, pressing a kiss to Richie’s forehead. He slipped his fingers got, wincing at how Richie whined in displeasure. “ _I got you.”_

He grabbed the bottle of lube and slicked up his cock after rolling the condom down his length. Richie’s watery gaze didn’t waver as he watched Eddie line up with his hole. Eddie pushed in slowly, but bottomed up without stopping. Once Eddie was fully inside, Richie let out the type of moan that most definitely belong in a porn.

“Holy fuck…” Eddie whispered, clutching at Richie’s leg and drawing it over his shoulder. He could tell already that he wasn’t going to last- but like hell he wasn’t going to get Richie there first. Pulling all the way out slowly, then thrusting back in hard, Eddie relished the way Richie squeaked out of his name and squeezed his eyes shut. Keeping up the same speed, he watched as the tears that had built up in Richie’s eyes fall down his face while he moaned loud enough that if anybody was staying in the rooms on either side of them, they were getting a free audio show.

“Eddie… Eddie… Eddie…” Richie was chanting and the way clench around Eddie’s cock every time he went to pull out had his head spinning. Eddie pulled his cock free, ignoring how Richie gasped then let out a slightly panicked whine. Eddie held tight to Richie’s hips as he rolled onto his back and pulled Richie above his waist.

He positioned his cock at Richie’s hole once more and thrust up, filling him completely. “FUCK!” Richie shouted as though it had been punched right out of him. “Holy shit, _Eds._ So deep…”

Eddie positioned his feet on the bed and started thrusting into the man above him. Richie rocked forward, hands wrapping around Eddie’s neck and he cried out against Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie picked up a pace that he was knew was borderline brutal, his hands surely leaving bruises on Richie’s hips. He could feel himself burning up from the inside out. “Touch yourself,” He hissed against Richie’s ear, tugging it with his teeth.

“Don’t…” Richie moaned helplessly. “Don’t need to… Don’t need….” That seemed to be all Richie could get out before Eddie was aware of the thick wetness spreading between them, and Richie’s fingers dragging scratches on the back of his neck. Eddie only managed other thrust into Richie before he was coming hard into the condom.

“Fuck…. _Richie._ ” Eddie whispered. He felt Richie shift to get up, and grabbed his arms tightly around Richie’s waist. Holding him there. He pressed his face against Richie’s collar bones and told himself that if his eyes were closed, then there couldn’t be tears in them.

xxx

When Richie woke up, he was alone and sore in a hotel bed. He rolled over, pulled his phone out and searched up the earliest flight to California.


	2. if i ever lied (you'd be the truth)

_Mike Hanlon added you to a group chat: Stanley’s 27 th Birthday. _

Richie rested his head against the brick wall of the bar and frowned down at his phone. Seven months ago Richie had walked out of his hotel in Portland and hitched the first plane that was flying back to California. It hadn’t been to his closest airport, but he considering the pricey Uber ride a fair price to pay for getting out of Maine instead of staying there and sitting awkward alone in a hotel room feeling rejected. If he was going to feel rejected, he was going to do it at home and far away from where Eddie could reach him.

“That better be cola,” Audra Phillips voice carried over to him as she slid across from him in the booth.

Richie blew her a kiss. “You’re the one who wanted to meet in a bar, lovely.” Richie swished the Pepsi- _yes_ Pepsi, and only Pepsi- around in his glass, grinning at his best friend. He’d met Audra the year before, when he’d started working around set on the day time drama she was a star on. Audra was the level of famous where nobody with a big name knew who she was, but she was famous enough to get creepy stalkers who thought she _was_ her slutty nurse character from TV. “Are you testing me, Auddy?”

“Nope.” Audra popped her lips. “I just have a remarkable amount of faith in your self control. It seems it’s not wrongly placed.” Richie felt half his smile twitch up in a smile, but Audra’s hand came to rest over top of his twitching fingers. “What’s going on?”

“I got added to a group chat,” Richie sighed. “From my high school friends. Normally I’d just fuck off out of it after everything but it’s for Stan’s birthday. We both know I’d do anything for that boy.”

Seven months since Bill’s wedding, seven months since Richie had had the life fucked out of him by Eddie Kaspbrak and then woken up completely alone. When his plane had landed back in Cali, he’d had two unread texts from Eddie that he’d swiped away without reading. At twenty five years old, Richie Tozier was over excuses. If Eddie had really wanted to talk things out with Richie, he would have called. There had been no phone call. No attempts to reach out. Richie continued on down his road of separation, only talking to Stan, and the only people who knew anything had changed were Eddie, Richie and Stan.

“You know, seven months ago, I would’ve gone.” Richie continued, watching the condensation drip down his glass. “Hell. I went to Bill’s fucking wedding, you know? I was ready to bury the hatchet, I really was. Swallow my pride, go back to my friends with my tail between my legs and pretend that everything could be okay. But then…”

“Eddie?” Audra suggested lightly.

Richie gave a dry chuckle. “Eddie.”

It wasn’t fucking fair, Richie knew that. He’d told himself a hundred times that night that if Eddie was gone in the morning, that would be okay. It had been true, or so he’d wanted to believe. He may have bene in love with Eddie Kaspbrak, but that had been a lifetime ago. He’d been a different person then, young and stupid. Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier were not the couple you rooted for in movies, he hadn’t expected them to ride off into the sunset after boning in a hotel room. It would have been nice if Eddie had taken their twenty-two year friendship into consideration, and stuck around for awkward morning-after conversation and maybe shitty hotel muffins, but he hadn’t expected them to walk off into the rest of their lives holding hands.

So, no, Richie wasn’t sure why he was so reluctant to go. Eddie might not even have been aware that anything was wrong. To Eddie, maybe it simply had been a one night stand- as it should have been- and Richie was being extra by being so hurt by the outcome. He’d known what he was getting into, and it wasn’t the first time somebody had snuck out of his bed while he slept. He’d promised himself that it would be last, though. If he was welcome at his childhood best friend’s birthday party, then there was no way he was going to let the best sex of his life ruin that.

“You’re right,” Richie said, pointing at a surprised looking Audra. “We should go.”

“We?” Audra squeaked.

“Like hell I’m going alone!”

|||

Audra stepped out of Richie’s rented SUV and crinkled her nose. “It’s no LA bar, but I guess getting drunk is getting drunk.”

Richie whistled. “I wouldn’t know anything about that, but I’ll take your word for it.”

Audra sighed and gave the bar another disapproving look. “We haven’t gone inside yet,” she pointed out. “We could easily just leave right now, nobody needs to be any wiser.”

Richie laughed and put an arm around Audra’s shoulder, leaning into her. “That would be a waste of perfectly good plane tickets and hotel room.”

“We can still use the hotel room,” Audra said with a waggle of her eyebrows. Richie rolled his eyes and snickered, reaching out to mess up her hair.

“We’re already here, and I told Stan I was coming,” Richie said with an eyeroll. “So we’re going to go hang out with my stupid high school friends, and my stupid ex-girlfriend turned ex-best friend’s wife and I’m going to be miserable about it.”

Audra sighed, wrapping an arm around Richie’s waist as they began to walking into the bar. “You make me sad, dumbass.”

“Yeah…” Richie said with a sigh. They moved into the bar and smell of old beer hit Richie’s senses like a truck. Groaning and squeezing his eyes shut, Richie fought at the nausea that quickly came at him. Even before Richie had taken to sobriety, he’d cut beer from his life. It didn’t taste good going down, and tasted twice as bad coming back up.

“Richie!” Mike Hanlon’s voice carried over to him, a hand clasping Richie on the shoulder. It was only really then that Richie realized that he hadn’t talked to anybody at Bill’s wedding months ago, just short conversations with Stan and then… whatever the hell had gone on with Eddie. He’d felt as though Bev and Ben had shunned him, and he’d been avoiding Bill and Kate like the plague. He couldn’t avoid them here and that stuck panic into him that he hadn’t felt in a long time.

“And the pretty date,” Mike held his hand out and Audra laughed as she shook it.

“Yeah, date might be a stretch.” Richie chuckled. “Auds here is the biggest lesbian I’ve met since Beverly. She’s only here because I cried like a pathetic bitch.”

It was a joke, but maybe Richie was ever worse at jokes than he remembered, because Mike’s face dropped suddenly and he squeezed Richie’s shoulder tightly. Richie cringed and pulled away, near ready to book it towards the door and take Audra up on the offer to simply sit around in Richie’s hotel room. Then the voice broke through the crowd and Richie’s eyes fell on Eddie Kaspbrak.

“Hey, Rich! Glad you could you make it!” Eddie was saying, beaming up at Richie as he patted the seat beside him. Richie inhaled hard, because Eddie looked good. Given, Eddie always looked good- but this was different than Eddie done up fancy for a wedding. Eddie was wearing simple jeans and a soft grey sweater, but Richie’s mouth was dry and his heart was racing. It didn’t help that he could remember exactly what Eddie sounded like in bed, and knew exactly what he felt like inside of him. It was new experience all around.

If the soft colouring that Richie could see growing in Eddie’s cheeks under the terrible bar light meant anything, he was thinking about the same thing. Moving as though in a daze, Richie slipped into the seat across from Eddie and glanced at Beverly whom he was now seated beside. Beverly was staring at him with guarded eyes, and he couldn’t really blame her. He wasn’t sure where he could ever start making it up to his friends, but he _also_ wasn’t sure he really wanted to. He was here for Stan, after all, and he was the only reason Richie had hopped the plane.

So, he just smiled at Beverly and accepted the drink that was being handed to him. He paused with it in his hand and looked around the table. Before he could figure out a way to make it pretend that he was drinking it, Eddie’s hand came to settle on Richie’s arm.

“It’s just Coke,” Eddie said softly, with a smile. “I made sure that there were some soda on the table for when you got here.”

Richie gave Eddie a small smile in return, taking a short drink. He turned when he felt Beverly’s eyes on him. He raised one brow and she cleared her throat.

“You don’t drink anymore?” Beverly asked him lightly, but he could hear the slight judgement behind her innocent-enough question.

“I don’t do a lot of things anymore.” He replied. The _Like talk to you,_ went unsaid but it seemed ring out around the table all the same.  

“Good for you, Rich,” Katie’s voice cut through the sticky silence, and Richie’s head jerked towards him. Of course, she was the only one Who Knew. She’d still been Richie’s emergency contact, the one who’d gotten that mid-February phone call and taken a plane down to California that very night. An ages-old affection rushed through him, until his eyes fell down to the ring on her finger and it curdled inside him like soured milk.

Richie merely popped his lips and knocked back the whole glass of pop like it was a shot. His nose burned with the carbonation, but he refused to pull a face. He felt much like a deer surrounded by a pack hungry wolves, and he refused to show weakness.

Then Stan was sliding in beside him when Audra and Mike took the seats across from him and Richie remembered that this was supposed to be somewhere he was safe. The people he was supposed to be safest with. Stan’s presence was heavy beside him and Eddie’s supportive eyes were burning into him and Kate…  Kate had spent two days by his bed side waiting for him to wake up when they’d broken up nearly two years earlier, and had never told a soul what happened because Richie had asked to keep it a secret.

He could pretend to feel safe here, Richie thought to himself as he scratched absentmindedly at his wrist. The conversation was swirling around him, and he knew his jaw was clenched even as Stan was rubbing at his arm under the table. Richie tried to tune in, he really did, but he only caught glimpses of Audra and Beverly’s flirting and Eddie’s concern side-glances… Until Bill started talking about the honeymoon.

“It was great,” Bill said chuckling. “But I think Eddie wins for the that whole weekend, you know? Was pretty glowing the next day, you know?”

Bill nudged Eddie with his elbow, but Eddie’s eyes went wide and he paled noticeably. Richie felt his stomach churn and pushed the away the tray of bread chips and spinach dip. Eddie’s flickered over to Richie’s for a short moment, teeth digging angrily into his bottom lip. Stan squeezed at Richie’s wrist.

“Eddie hooked up with somebody at your wedding?” Ben asked lightly, cheeks likely flushed from the alcohol. “ _That’s_ a story I’d like to hear. I didn’t think you’d hooked up with anybody since Martin. Who was special enough to get into those Kaspbrak’s pants?”

“It’s uh-“ Eddie scratched at the back of his neck, face ghostly pale. “It’s not that a great a story. It wasn’t, you know… I….”

Richie jerked up, crashing into the table and nearly knocking everything off it. Everybody looked up at him with different levels of shock on their faces, but Eddie clenched his eyes shut roughly. “You know, this had been fun…” Richie said with a dry chuckle. “But if I don’t leave right the fuck now, I’m going to start shooting back whiskey sours like they’re apple juice so. I’ll be seeing you all.”

“Wait, wait, Rich-“ Audra attempted to scramble to her feet as Richie squeezed out past Stan and began to stalk towards the exit. “I’ll come with you, I’ll-“

“No, nah, Auds, it’s fine,” Richie waved her off, already feeling bad about his outburst. “Stay. I’m sure Bev as somewhere you can stay tonight.” Audra made a half aborted noise of protest but Richie was already halfway out the door.

He was halfway through the parking lot when he noticed Eddie shouting after him. “RICHIE! Come on, _please wait!”_

Richie whipped around, and oh- was he crying now? That’s cool, glad he has control over that shit- Eddie stumbled slightly. “I’m sorry that happened, I know you probably weren’t expected to-“

“Expecting to what, exactly?” Richie scoffed. “Thank you for not full on exposing us, I’m sure nobody figure it out when I hauled my ass out of there. It’s the effort that counts, right?”

“Richie…” Eddie sighed, slowly stepping towards him. “I’m sorry Bill brought that up. He’s idiot, I know he wouldn’t have said anything-“

“If he’d known it was me?” Richie challenged, shaking his head. “You underestimate Bill Denbrough, me thinks. I loves when I get fucked over through sex.”

“What do you mean _fucked over?”_ Eddie asked, brows disappearing under his hair line and disbelief apparent all over his face.

“ _Nothing,_ Eddie.” Richie exhaled hard. “Fucking nothing. I knew what it was, okay? I didn’t think we were going to fucking ride off in the sunrise, or whatever. Doesn’t mean it didn’t suck to wake up to find you dipped out in the middle of the night.”

Eddie’s mouth dropped open and it seemed to take him a few moments to gather himself. “Is that… Richie, is that actually what you think happened? Bill called me, he’d lost his wedding ring during the ceremony! He was frantic, I was just downstairs in the ball room, I took a key card!” Richie’s head was completely swimming right now and Eddie was looking up at him with those goddamn Bambi eyes. “I got back and you were gone and so was all your stuff. I just… I texted you asking where you went, didn’t you get them? I… You really thought I left?”

Richie exhaled hard, not really able to see, and took a few steps back from Eddie. He stumbled, tripping over himself and the curb behind him. He fell into the street and groaned. Eddie rushed over and helped to sit up on the curb. “It’s really unfair that I didn’t even drink and I still somehow ended up in the fucking gutter.”

Eddie didn’t laugh, just looked at Richie carefully. “Is it always like this? Always craving a drink?”

“Not like this, no.” Richie said slowly, scratching his wrist. “It’s usually like a six out of ten, sometimes even five on a good week.”

“What is it now?” Eddie asked.

Richie let out a shaky breath and held Eddie’s gaze. “Thirteen.”

Eddie’s eyes filled with tears. “This is my fault.”

Richie jerked his head so quickly that he figured he almost gave himself whip lash. “What? How the fuck did you come to the conclusion?”

But Eddie was already pushing quickly to his feet, wiping quickly at the tears that we starting to fall from his eyes. He started backing away from Richie, and Richie found panic settling into his chest. He reached out to grab for Eddie’s hand. “No, Eddie, wait. Please don’t go, okay? Stay.”

Eddie shook his head quickly, taking several stumbling steps away from him. “I’m sorry, Rich. I never should have, I… I’m sorry.” Then Eddie was running in the other direction. Richie let out a sob, a rough dry noise, and leaned onto his back on the cement to look up at the sky. There were more stars in Maine than California, and he forced himself to focus on them. Count them.

He didn’t know how long he laid there, but suddenly Stanley Uris’ face was covering up the stars and taking up his vision. “Richie…”

“Happy birthday Stan the Man,” Richie said wetly. “Sorry I ruined it.”

“Get up, dumbass.” Stan said with a sigh, holding out his hand. “Let’s get you home.”

Richie took Stan’s firm grip and let himself be taken care of, if only for one night.


	3. you told me that you'd wait forever

Richie hadn’t moved from Stanley’s guest bedroom in three days. If it hadn’t been Stan’s dedicated care for his childhood best friend, Richie knew he very well would’ve starved to death by this point. Stan had bringing Richie meals and drinks regularly throughout the whole day, and Richie had eaten them just as regularly despite not being hungry, because if Stan was going to put this much effort into keeping Richie alive then Richie was going to stay the fuck alive.

The door to the guest room opened, but for the first time in three days, it wasn’t Stanley who came in. It was tired and puffy faced Audra, with a small plate holding a sandwich and potato chips on it. She crossed the room quickly, placing the plate on the bed and sat down quickly. Her eyes danced across his face and she shook her head slightly.

“I’ve been trying to see you for three days,” Audra said quietly, reaching out and pushing Richie’s greasy and flattened fringe away from his forehead. “Stan’s been a serious guardsmen, he won’t let anybody in to see you. Thought he was going to rip Bill’s dick off and make him eat it when he tried to get past.”

Richie smiled for the first time in days. “That’s my Stan.”

Audra chuckled, tucking the strands of her hair behind her ears. “It was pretty great, I’ll admit. I got a kick out of it. Eddie and I have been here pretty much the whole time, taking turns with the food runs.”

Richie raised his brows. “Eddie came?”

“Eddie actually slept outside the front door last night.” Audra said with a surprised look. “I thought Stan was at least telling you people were here, I… I don’t know. I always thought I was protective of your emo ass, but Stanley Uris put me to shame. I think the only reason he let me in here today was because I pointed that we’re technically catching a flight back to Cali in the morning so I actually do need to see to you.”

Richie nodded, letting his eye close. He’d known that was depression was settling in when he’d been able to sleep for sixteen straight hours after Stan brought him from the bar, and was still constantly tired. Richie Tozier had always been good at sleeping, that was true, but when he hit his lows all Richie would do was sleep if he could get away with it. He usually wasn’t, but Stan had made it pretty easy for him to get away with it the past few days.

“You’re not coming back to California, are you?” Audra said, looking as though she’d expected just as much from Richie.

He gave her a bland smile. “I’m sorry. I’ve spent so long running away from Maine and my old friends, I feel like, it’s not helping me in the long run. It’s just making everything worse. I can’t avoid my life forever, it’s what’s caused all this shit.”

“Giving my own unasked for opinion here,” Audra jumped in, frowning. “But I’m pretty sure it’s coming back to your old friends that caused all this. There’s nothing wrong with walking away from things, Richie, if they’re this hard on you.”

Richie shrugged up on shoulder. “You’re the only who’s good enough for me. We know that.” Audra held out hand and Richie reached out and grasped onto it. They both leaned forward and bit onto their thumbs. Richie supposed he must have done something very right in his life, to have earned the right to be friends with both Audra Phillips and Stanley Uris.

“I’m probably going to head out, then,” Audra said, rolling her eyes. “Gotta get my stuff together- waste of a hotel room, really.” She leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Richie’s forehead then stood up. Once she reached the door, she held her hand against the wall and slowly turned to look at Richie. “Rich?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s okay to fall off the wagon,” Audra said slowly and Richie’s stomach dropped. “I’m not like… encouraging you to drink or anything. But I think, I think you need to know that you can loose a battle and not loose the war, yeah? You can get back up. I’ve seen you do it before.”

Richie smiled at her, trying to disguise the tears in his eyes. “If uhm… You can tell Stanley that he can send Eddie in.”

Audra raised her brow but didn’t argue. There had always been a certain level of understanding between the two of them, from the very beginning. Audra didn’t need to ask if Richie was sure about anything, ever. She always knew when he was, and when he wasn’t. Maybe better than even he did himself.

Audra hadn’t been gone very long before the door was being pushed open again and Eddie Kaspbrak was tumbling inside as though he’d been expecting it to be locked. Richie could vaguely hear Stan calling after Eddie, but couldn’t make out any of the words. Heart hammering, Richie brought his eyes up to look at Eddie. Somehow the man looked almost as bad as Richie imagined he did himself, with his hair a complete mess and deep bags under his eyes. He let out harsh breath at the sight of Richie in the bed, moving closer but not taking a seat.

“Fuck, Richie,” Eddie groaned. “I keep leaving you. I swear to God that isn’t my intention, I- I’ve never wanted to leave.”

Richie just looked Eddie over, knowing that he had to choose his words _so_ carefully. If he did what the burning in his chest was imploring him to do, they’d end up no better off than they already were. All he wanted, with every inch of his soul, was drag Eddie down to him and kiss him until his lips fell off. Though, it likely wouldn’t be any good with how disgusting they both looked, but a guy could dream. And that’s what it would be. A complete dream. Because there was no chance of Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier holding any sort of healthy romantic relationship- definitely not right now, and maybe not ever.

Eddie was still hovering by the edge of Richie’s bed, swaying slightly, and Richie let out a harsh breath and scooted over. “Would you please sit down? You’re giving me anxiety.”

“Sorry.” Eddie muttered, cheeks turning a cute little pink colour as he settled into the spot Richie had previously been holding. They were several inches apart, no contact between them outside of the bed they were both seated on. Richie pulled the blankets a little higher on himself and looked down at his hands.

“I’m not mad or anything,” Richie said through a rough throat. “I feel like I mentioned that last night, but it probably got a little bit lost. In all the rest of the shit, you know? I don’t… And I feel bad that you didn’t leave for real. You deserved better than for me to just assume you’d bailed, I don’t…”

“I should have left a note,” Eddie interrupted him. “It wasn’t fair of me to just leave and think that it would have been fine. I didn’t think that it was going to take that long, and I never really tried to reach out again after realizing you’d left.”

“I guess we both just assumed it meant nothing to the other person,” Richie laughed humourlessly and Eddie finally turned to look at him.

“I loved you back,” Eddie said in a sudden rush. “In high school, I loved you. I really did. But I young and stupid and in the fucking closet… when you, when we… I freaked out. And I’m sorry.”

Richie reached out and patted Eddie’s shoulder, and squeezed him there. “I’d tell you that I loved you back then, too, but you already knew that. It’s okay though, Eds. It was so long ago and we were fucking teenagers, it never would’ve worked out.”

“You don’t know that,” Eddie said, quietly and little sadly. Richie’s heart clenched and he shook his head.

“I can’t…” Richie said, voice cracking and forcing him to clear it. “I’m a huge fucking mess, Eddie. I spent a long as time pretending to myself that I wasn’t, and now that’s coming back to bite me in the ass. I can’t have any sort of fucking… relationship right now. Not when I’m like this, and especially not if you’re going to blame yourself every time I fall apart even a little bit.”

“That was wrong of me,” Eddie responded immediately, looking torn. Richie reached out on an impulse and tangled their fingers together. Eddie’s hand was warmer than his own, and Richie’s body shook a little bit at the contact. “I don’t think I really meant it. Well, drunk me meant it. Because I was drunk and sad and little scared, so it felt like it then. But I know that’s not it.”

“Yeah,” Richie rubbed his thumb along the back of Eddie’s hand. “I think a very small part of me always wondered what would have happened if you and I had tried to be together back then, but I can’t imagine myself not falling in love with Kate. I loved you in the way a dumbass kid loves the first person they’d really had feelings for, but Kate was my first love. My first real love, and I mean she left me absolutely fucked over and shattered, so I hope she wasn’t my true love but… You know? So, I think it’s okay that we didn’t get all over each other in high school, because just would’ve had to face those facts of loving somebody and not being in love with them.”

Eddie was nodding, squeezing Richie’s hand. “Yeah, I- My first love wasn’t you either, not really. I know what you mean about it all being.. whatever. But I don’t know if I agree with you completely. I think that our line between loving each other and being in love with each other is that we were never together. Our first loves went to somebody else, because we weren’t ready to give it to each other.”

A thick silence settled over them and Richie finally let out a shaky breath. “Eds…” He breathed out gently, moving to take his hand away from Eddie.

Eddie held onto it tighter, though. “Relax,” he said almost in a laugh. “I’m not declaring undying love for you, or proposing we get married. I’m just saying that we don’t _know_ what would’ve have happened if we’d dated back then, but I think we’d have been really different people then we are now.”

Richie gave a small half smile, and leaned his head down onto Eddie’s shoulder. “I really appreciate this, Eddie, but I still… I don’t know what you want.”

He felt more than heard Eddie’s sigh. “I don’t want anything, Richie, except for you get better. Whatever is or was between us doesn’t really matter to me right now. You were one of my closest friends for like, seventeen years. More than that, probably. All I want is for you to be okay, and I’ll help you through it if you want me to. If you want me to just fuck off, then I’ll do that, too.”

Richie sat up and looked at Eddie carefully, almost examining his facial expressions. Eddie didn’t falter under the gaze for even a second. “I said that I wasn’t in love with you, Eddie, but I- that doesn’t mean I couldn’t be. Because I might act like a tough bitch, but I’m pretty sure I could fall in love with you pretty fucking easily.”

Eddie smiled softly, and placed a hand on the side of Richie’s neck. _Warm hands,_ Richie noted again. “That’s okay, Richie. If it happens, it happens. And it’s okay if it doesn’t. That’s not what this is about.”

_Fuck, Kaspbrak. I might be in love with you right now._ Richie thinks it, but he knows better than to ever say it. He just takes Eddie’s hand away from his neck and pressed his lips to the back of it. He heard the gulp Eddie gave, felt the way it shook his upper body. Richie looked up at Eddie from under his lashes, and he was goddamn ready to let go of all the things he’d just said about not being ready and launch himself at him.

Eddie shook his head quickly, fluttering his eyes shut, and took his hand back. Both of Eddie’s hands came down to rest of Richie’s hips and he pulled Richie full into his lap. Richie gasped and wrapped his arms around Eddie’s neck, head dropping forward of its own notion and resting against Eddie’s shoulder. Richie closed his eyes and tried to keep control of his breathing.

Eddie tossed the blanket over them both and hugged Richie a little tighter. “It’s okay, Rich.” Eddie said, voice sweet and oh-so-familiar. “I’m not going anywhere, I fucking promise you that. I’m by your side for as long as you want me here.”

Richie buried his face deeper into Eddie’s neck and wondered if Eddie could feel the muscles in Richie’s face as he tried to cry.

xxx

Richie was fast asleep in Eddie’s lap when Stan opened up the door to the guest room and gave Eddie a disapproving look.

“It’s not…” Eddie sighed, brushing his fingers through Richie’s dirty curls. “It’s not what it looks like. We’re not doing anything, I’m going to be here for him. I’m not leaving him.”

Stan sighed, and leaned up against the door frame with his arms crossed. “So, you told him the truth then? And he took it well?”

Eddie frowned, fingers still tangled up in Richie’s hair. “That’s not the point, and not why I’m here. I’m just here for Richie. That’s _all_ that matters right now.”

Stan looked almost sympathetic. “Richie isn’t the only person who can get hurt here, Eddie.”

Eddie swallowed a little roughly and shrugged, eyes still trained on Richie’s sleeping face.


End file.
